Almost exactly 10 years ago I made a post on here about how I was feeling broken and lonely. I’ve had a ton of time on my hands over the past few months which allowed me to reflect on my life and that reflection has not brought about positive emotions. And then I rediscovered that older post and it is amazing that ten years have passed and my situation hasn’t changed. I mean of course my life has changed in that I have retired, I bought a second home, and I have a dog. But the aspects of that earlier post that were bringing me down have not changed. I have not had a single relationship in the intervening years. I actually don’t think I have had more than one or two dates. Much of that is on me not putting myself out there but I also blame my work life and the associated travel and stress.
Now my day consists of watching tv, playing video games, and tending to my dog. I rarely spend time with friends. I have attempted to do better health wise but who knows if I’m improving my life. My emotional health hasn’t been the greatest and I’m not really certain how I’m going to completely recover from the doldrums that I was in a handful weeks ago. I guess that is why I went with the title “Shattered” because although I’m putting the pieces back together I might not be the same.
It’s really tough dealing with the thought of being truly alone as I turn 50. I feel I have lost that hope, that optimism, that I had for most of my life that my life would get better (less lonely). I don’t know how I will feel if I’m writing a post like this in another ten years.
